Oceans

I feel led to make this post. It is a lot more personal than anything I’ve posted before, but it feels right to be posting this now.

For the past year or so, I have been struggling to hear God

I’ve not done anything differently, or done anything ‘wrong’

Nothing terribly sad or bad has happened to me or anyone I love

I’ve continued spiritual practices of reading the Bible and praying as much as I did before

But I can’t hear God

What’s even stranger, is I can hear him if he is saying something about others or for the direction my work should take.

But when it comes to hearing him personally, there is just silence.

Through this silence, the Bible passage my mind keeps being drawn to is Jesus and Peter walking on water.

My mind first began contemplating this story is a worship song by Hillsong called ‘Oceans (Where feet may fail)’. I came across it in May for the first time, and it just encapsulated what I had been experiencing in those past few months (video of music and lyrics at the end of the blog).

There are three lines from the song that resonated with me the most:

‘I will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves’,

‘Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders’, and

‘My faith will be made stronger in the presence of my saviour’.

Why did these resonate so much with me? What were they saying?

‘I will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves’

Through all this time of ‘spiritual dryness’ (not hearing from or feeling the presence of God near), I have continued to call to the Lord in prayer, but I’ve maybe not been so great at keeping my eyes above the waves.

Sometimes the waves have drawn my attention instead of God.

These words reminded me that its important to keep looking above the troubles as well as calling God’s name. How else will we know where his hand is when he comes to our help? The other advantage of keeping our eyes fixed away from the troubles is we can focus on the bigger picture, or on what God has done for us in the past. Reminding ourselves of what God has done in the past can give us new strength to keep pressing on seeking him in whatever is going on.

‘Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders’

Trust. It’s a complex thing.

How much do we trust God?

It’s easy to trust him in the good times, but is your trust without borders?

Being human, we like our borders. Borders make us feel safe.

I feel that the past few months I’ve been taken beyond my borders. Trusting God has gotten hard, particularly as he doesn’t seem to be speaking to me, except to speak to others.

The point of trust is it’s a continuous exercise. Trust is a decision that needs to be made daily, or even hourly, every moment! Deciding to trust God can be tough, but I think we can sometimes want or make the process to be more complex than it is.

All it takes is a short prayer, but prayed with conviction.

“I choose to place my trust in you God”

There. Simple.

Now, mean it.

I’m trying to pray this prayer whenever I feel my trust wavering. It’s not always easy, but it is helping.

‘My faith will be made stronger in the presence of my saviour’

How is our faith made stronger?

By spending time with the object of our faith – God.

It’s difficult to keep going with a daily prayer and Bible reading time when it feels like God isn’t there. But by pushing on with the practice and seeking God, our faith will be made stronger.

The past year or so has been difficult

But through continuing to trust and spend time with God, I know he’s still there.

I think he’s just speaking to me differently than he has before.

And I just need to learn to listen to him in a new way.

I’m not there yet, but I need to keep my eyes fixed on him, keep walking on the water, and keep my eyes above the waves.

Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. “A ghost!” they said, crying out in terror.

But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”

He said, “Come ahead.”

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”

Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”

(Matthew 14:24-31, MSG)